Kaitlin: Her quest for happiness(Part 3)

Birds were slowly getting back to their respective nests.. Sooner it would be the time of dusk. A faint tinge of orange colour was taking its shape in the open sky, which would soon be filled with stars. Temperature was dropping down and wind was becoming cooler and cooler. Little did Kaitlin know that she would be out of home for such a long time. With her heart pounding, watching a talking daffodil, trying to learn new things, which she was hoping for, she continued to listen to Bo.

Bo continued, "Life in itself has no meaning. Life is an opportunity to create meaning. Meaning is not to be discovered; it has to be created. You will find meaning only if you create it. It is not lying there somewhere behind the bushes, so you can go and you search a little bit and find it. It is not there like a rock that you will find. It is a poetry to be composed, it is a song to be sung, it is a dance to be danced."

Kaitlin was surprised. She knew there was a mystery, but never did she feel that it would be so easy to understand. She was curious to know more, listen to what Bo had to tell.

"What is the problem that is bothering your heart? In order for us to continue the conversation,I would like to know in specific, all the things, from scratch to what they are now, tell me everything."

"I do not know where to begin from. They are all so intertwined. Everything that appeared as a real image has now turned into a mirage. Every effort, every ounce of energy that I had put into everything that I had done until now, has all gone in vain."

There appeared a tear in her eye. She was in the process. Process of venting out the pain. Bo had seen this several times. This was the starting point of an end and a beginning. An end of suffering, and a beginning of happiness.

Kaitlin continued, "I have been wanting to achieve sucess a lot. I never left any stone unturned. Everyone says future is not written on stone. But I believed in scripting it on my own. Everything was good. I guess, it appeared to be good. Until.."

With a smile on his face, Bo said "Are you hurt because you did not get what you wanted? Gift, some materialistic thing, recognition, success, love, what is it?"

"You have lived in a certain way up to now - don't you want to live in a different way? You have thought in a certain way up to now - don't you want some new glimpses in your being? Then be alert and don't listen to the mind. Mind is your past constantly trying to control your present and your future. It is the dead past which goes on controlling the alive present. Just become alert about it." said Bo.

"The mind does it with this method: it says, "If you don't listen to me, you will not be as efficient as I am." If you do an old thing you can be more efficient because you have done it before. If you do a new thing you cannot be efficient. The mind goes on talking like an economist, an efficiency expert; it goes on saying, "This is easier to do. Why do it the hard way? This is the way of least resistance." said Bo.

Bo continued, "Remember, whenever you have two things, two alternatives, choose the new one. Choose the harder, choose the one in which more awareness will be needed. At the cost of efficiency always choose awareness, and you will create the situation in which meditation will become possible. These are all just situations. Meditation will happen - I am not saying that just by doing them you will get to meditation, but they will be helpful. They will create the necessary situation in you, without which meditation cannot happen. Be less efficient but more creative. Let that be the motive. Don't be bothered too much about utilitarian ends. Rather, constantly remember that you are not here in life to become a commodity. You are not here to become a utility, that is below dignity. Your are not here just to become more and more efficient. You are her e to become more and more alive; you are here to become more and more intelligent; you are here to become more and more happy, ecstatically happy. "

Kaitlin could not relate to what Bo was telling her. She said, "I have asked for so many things. But I have never got them. Infact, I never get them. I had less freinds throughout my life, but now I managed to have many. I compromised with myself and changed myself. I am now living in two worlds. One which reflects my true self. One which is me but never me. It is this world that is bringing everything down upon me. Its as though entire sky with all starts was falling on me"

"Interesting.."

"I some how have begun to feel that void in me which is resenting me from everything."

Bo realised it was time for her to let her know the real truth.

"Have you heard of everlasting happiness? Have you heard anyone in this entire world talk to you about tales of being happily every after? I am sure you would have seen many movies, heard stories, parables. But how many of them are really true? Did you ever try to think as to why such things are being talked about? Have you ever tried to know about it?"

"It is all a mere thought which was acted upon. I have seen and heard enough of those. For some, they motivate, and for some, its a mere movie story. For some the parables are fun, for some, its foolishness. I never rely on that and will never trust upon it." said Kaitlin.

Bo said "Whatever you are feeling is the perfect reflection of the process that is in the making. What you think, what you feel, and what you manifest is always a perfect match. Ask what you want, what u really want. An answer to what you are asking is what universe does for you. It will make it happen for you.You dont ned to know how you will get it, you must bring yourself in an alignment to what you are asking for. Dont feel despair and anger for what you are asking. Begin to feel for what you are asking. When you turn fantasy into fact, you can think more."

"How? How can I do that?"

"Start to have gratitude. What we think about and thank about is what we bring about. Have an attitude of gratitude. Try to visualise. When you do, you materialise. IF you have been there in mind, you will go there in the body", said Bo.

"I find it to difficult to be like that. i do not think I would be able to do that."

"Kaitlin, all it takes is a little effort from you that will change the entire course."

"Do you want me to have gratitude for my manager who does not recognise my skills? Do you want me to have gratitude for the guy? The one with whom I had fallen in love with? Do you want me to thank all my friends, my colleagues, my relatives who never even were there when i really needed them to me? "

"Decide what you want, believe you can have it. Close your eyes and feel you have it. Open eyes and be happy of what you have and let universe take care of the rest. When you have an inspired thought, trust it and act on it. It all depends on how to tame your mind to think and nurture the thought that is developing in you."

"Its hard. it is really hard" sighed Kaitlin..

"Everyone falls in love,and then falls out too.The way to understanding love is rising in love .One must not be stuck with materialistic manifestations of Love. By falling in love you remain a child, by rising in love you mature. And by and by, love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Then it is not that you love this and you dont love that , no. You are simply love, whatsoever is happening, you give your love to it. You touch a rock and you touch as if you r touching ur beloved's body. You look at the tree and u look as u r looking at ur beloved's face. It becomes a state of being, not that you are in love. Now you are love. This is rising, this is not falling."

Bo continued, "Love is beautiful when you rise through it,and love becomes dirty and ugly when you fall through it. And sooner or later you will find that it proves poisonous, it becomes a bondage.You have been caught in it, your freedom has been crushed, your wings have been cut, now you are no more free. By falling in love, you become a possession; you posses and you allow somebody to possess you. You become a thing and you try to convert the other person, you have fallen in love with ,into a thing."

"Look at the husband and wife. They both have become like things, they are no more person. Both are trying to possess each other. Only things can be possesed. A person can never be. There is a clash, then they both become basically enemies.Then they are destructive to each other .Everyone goes on trying to posses the beloved,the lover.This is no longer love, in face when you possess a person, you hate, you destroy. Love should give freedom. Love is freedom. Love will make the beloved more and more free. Love will give wings and love will open the vast sky. It cannot become a prison, an enclosure. "

"Was this the way you have been?", questioned Bo.

Kaitlin was mesmerized with the words of Bo. She was now beginning to realise. Feel and understand and connect to what Bo has been trying to tell her. Because she asked questions, she got answers. Because she refused to believe, she understood and accepted reality.

"There is a saying, 'For every dark cloud there is a silver lining and sun eventually shines'. I guess, I was destined to have this conversation with you. This indeed has made me realise where I have been going wrong and how I have been growing wrong. There were times when i trusted my abilities, had faith that I would succeed, but my thought was not in alignment with my deed. This was the same in my personal life as well as professional life. At times, I did feel like giving it all up, and I did too."

Kaitlin continued, "I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible and how it can ache in places in me that I dint know it was existing in me. No matter what I had done, I still went to sleep, knowing everything, thinking everything and wondering where things went wrong."

There was a resurgence, a new beginning, a new era, a new confindence, a new passion for success in the eyes of Kaitlin. Bo, on seeing the change and effect of the conversation, smiled, for he knew, he made a difference on another soul.

He said, "I know it is hard to believe when anyone says 'I know how you feel', but I actually know how you feel."

There was silence. For few minutes, kaitlin felt, there was something very tranquile about the place, about the environment around her. It was filled with optimism and only streak of negative engery that was present was that of hers. But, it was slowly fading and eventually, it wil die out too.

The dawn had disappeared and the stars had begun to shine, There was darkness hovering over the field of daffodils and the grass went numb. There was a street light glowing at certain distance. Kaitlin got up, with a smile on her face and wiped the marks that tears had laid on her beautiful face.

"If i come here again, and keep coming here every now and then, will you continue to talk to me?"

"I will not assure you on that. But, I will surely be there when you need me the most, in those tuff and trivial and painful times. To give you what you need the most. Console. I will be there."

For the first time during that day, Kaitlin smiled whole heartedly, took a few steps towards Bo, held him in her hands, gave a kiss, and said "I will come again." and started to walk back home.

Though it was darkness and stars were shining everywhere, her face shone as bright as a diamond, for she was renewed, like an eagle is back with new wings and new beak. She was ready to conquer her happiness, for she new the path. Her real quest for happiness had just begun..