If I tend to think the kind of a person I have been in my past and the kind of person I am in the present to what I would become in future, I see little or minimal change. Physically I have changed. But essence is still me. It does not matter to me what others think about me, for my struggle is mine.
If I were to mention or pen down my weakness, I guess you would be shocked as much as I am. Like a saying goes, "You are as strong as your weakest link", I am as strong as my weakest link too.
For me, seeing in perfection has become an addiction. Be it the way things are kept at home, be it the way things happen at work, be it the way things are done, ordered, said, expected, arranged, talked about. Be it anything and everything around me, I expect things to be just perfect and if they are not, I tend to streamline things so that they would be perfect.
In the process of being such a person and doing such things, I have lost many things, not materialistic, but the unrealistic highly valuable things, that probably wont be able to return, but on the contrary, I have gained confidence that my outcome of my behavior towards perfection is gearing up for a much bigger showdown. For I know one thing that is for sure. What I am today, is definitely a preview or a teaser of what I will be in days or years to come.
Many say to me, to change the way I am. Many say to me that I have changed. Many say to me that being honest in everything that I do and everything that I expect is a mere fantasy in this totally unmerciful and competitive world. I wish I could think like they think. But the walls of my brain with the content in it think for perfection. Its the tank of perfection in me.
I can only say one think to all. I wont change my persona on this and this will be my attire for many more years to come.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Control: But why?
I had a very interesting conversation with a good friend of mine last week. We were having different opinions of how we were trying to control our thinking and life. We somehow had a vast difference in the way we thought and we decided it was good not to end up arguing on it. However, as my bad habbit goes, I tend to think a lot. So, back home, I was thinking as to what benifits can reall controlling give to a human.
I was thinking of some of my friends who had achieved a lot in early age. Some were still struggling. Some were still trying to realise where to go. But, in general, everyone felt positive about themself to a degree to which they felt they had control of their life. On the contrary, those who were struggling, felt negative about thmselves to the degree to which they felt they dint have enough control or were probably controlled by external forces of other people around them. I was, I am, and I guess, I will continue to be surprised by this great contradiction.
I did happen to speak to a friend of mine on this. He told 'When I sense that I have enough control on what is happening around me which involves me, I have more personal power'. Ever since he told me these words, they seem to have begun a new process in my mind. There have been times when i felt I was controlled by people, parents, my colleagues, my managers. I felt so out of control. There was negative energy all around me, anxious most of the time, felt restless, felt I was unable to cope up with the fast changing world around me.
For the fast changing things around me that brought the unknown side in me which was not required, i have something to say.. "Its time to change!!!!"
I was thinking of some of my friends who had achieved a lot in early age. Some were still struggling. Some were still trying to realise where to go. But, in general, everyone felt positive about themself to a degree to which they felt they had control of their life. On the contrary, those who were struggling, felt negative about thmselves to the degree to which they felt they dint have enough control or were probably controlled by external forces of other people around them. I was, I am, and I guess, I will continue to be surprised by this great contradiction.
I did happen to speak to a friend of mine on this. He told 'When I sense that I have enough control on what is happening around me which involves me, I have more personal power'. Ever since he told me these words, they seem to have begun a new process in my mind. There have been times when i felt I was controlled by people, parents, my colleagues, my managers. I felt so out of control. There was negative energy all around me, anxious most of the time, felt restless, felt I was unable to cope up with the fast changing world around me.
For the fast changing things around me that brought the unknown side in me which was not required, i have something to say.. "Its time to change!!!!"
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Change the way you think, your world will change for sure
If there is an effect in your life, such as lack of money, overweight, problems in your relationships, a unsatisfying job or career, or any other difficulty, just try tracing that effect back to the things that you did to cause it, and by removing the causes, you can begin o remove the effects, sometimes immediately.
The key to enjoying more of what people call luck is for you to engage in more of the actions that are more likely to bring about the consequences that you desire. For me, my daily activity included careful planning, organizing my work before I began, selecting the right people for the job, delegating properly, supervising intelligently, and vigorously executing the required tasks. I realised that in my life today, every aspect possible, is the result of my past decisions and behaviours. Its just like the saying "As you sow, so shall you reap.."
Like the saying goes, a man becomes what he thinks about most of the time. This was true, is true and will definitely continue to be true as well.
There were two men who were in the jail, were serving their punishment, At the end of the day, each went bakc to their respective cells. What would you think was the difference in them? You might think that they both were of same genre, a criminal. Probably both were ruthless at heart and were cold blooded. Probably they were. One saw the mud, and always worried about his past. He cribbed, cribbed and cribbed. Then he wept wept wept and wept. On the contrary, the other man, from his cell, through the window, looked at the stars and dreamt. He dreamt a dream of being out of the prison and leading a happy life. He reassured himself that things would be great again.
As per the predictions made by the famous Harvard University, there are few things that might strike a blow into yout thinking process.
Firstly, There would be more changes this year that ever before.
Secondly, there would be more competition than ever before.
Thirdly, there would be more opportunities than ever before.
But, those who do not adjust to the rapid rate of change, respond to the increase in competition, or take advancatage of the new opportunities available would be out of their job within two years.
A person's belief about himself creates an expectations. The expectations determine the attitude. The attitude determines the behaviour and the way a person behaves to other people. This inturn determines how other people behave with that person. This completely falls in sync with a famous saying "What is going on outside of you is a reflection or manisfestation of what is goig on inside you"..
Change the way you think, your world will change for sure..
The key to enjoying more of what people call luck is for you to engage in more of the actions that are more likely to bring about the consequences that you desire. For me, my daily activity included careful planning, organizing my work before I began, selecting the right people for the job, delegating properly, supervising intelligently, and vigorously executing the required tasks. I realised that in my life today, every aspect possible, is the result of my past decisions and behaviours. Its just like the saying "As you sow, so shall you reap.."
Like the saying goes, a man becomes what he thinks about most of the time. This was true, is true and will definitely continue to be true as well.
There were two men who were in the jail, were serving their punishment, At the end of the day, each went bakc to their respective cells. What would you think was the difference in them? You might think that they both were of same genre, a criminal. Probably both were ruthless at heart and were cold blooded. Probably they were. One saw the mud, and always worried about his past. He cribbed, cribbed and cribbed. Then he wept wept wept and wept. On the contrary, the other man, from his cell, through the window, looked at the stars and dreamt. He dreamt a dream of being out of the prison and leading a happy life. He reassured himself that things would be great again.
As per the predictions made by the famous Harvard University, there are few things that might strike a blow into yout thinking process.
Firstly, There would be more changes this year that ever before.
Secondly, there would be more competition than ever before.
Thirdly, there would be more opportunities than ever before.
But, those who do not adjust to the rapid rate of change, respond to the increase in competition, or take advancatage of the new opportunities available would be out of their job within two years.
A person's belief about himself creates an expectations. The expectations determine the attitude. The attitude determines the behaviour and the way a person behaves to other people. This inturn determines how other people behave with that person. This completely falls in sync with a famous saying "What is going on outside of you is a reflection or manisfestation of what is goig on inside you"..
Change the way you think, your world will change for sure..
Chance versus Luck
When people achieve great success faster than others, they are immediately accussed of having good luck. If peple make a mess of their lives, largely due to their own shortcomings, they dismiss it as bad luck. All of life is like a casino. Some have had success in gaming tables of life, and some not. Most people, including me for many years, never understood the difference between Chance and Luck.
When i checked on it, I was surprised. It was quite eveident that I was surprised. Chance refers to gambling, to casinos, to blackjack,poker, slot mahcines, and horse racing. In games of chance, the outcome is totally and completely out of control for the player. There is little or no influnece on the result by th player. The level of risk is so high that the chance of winning it over a ong period of time is almost zero.
But, Luck is different, totally different. it is like the probabilities in action. Whever you see a person who has succeeded greatly, you would definitely notice a series or a chain of events that have happened in the past to achieve a particular outcome. The lucky person, for sure, did many things in combination, which staggeringly increased the likelihood that his or her desired goal could be achieved.
All problems appear very simple when solved. The great victorry of present was th result of a series of small victorie that went unnoticed.
When i checked on it, I was surprised. It was quite eveident that I was surprised. Chance refers to gambling, to casinos, to blackjack,poker, slot mahcines, and horse racing. In games of chance, the outcome is totally and completely out of control for the player. There is little or no influnece on the result by th player. The level of risk is so high that the chance of winning it over a ong period of time is almost zero.
But, Luck is different, totally different. it is like the probabilities in action. Whever you see a person who has succeeded greatly, you would definitely notice a series or a chain of events that have happened in the past to achieve a particular outcome. The lucky person, for sure, did many things in combination, which staggeringly increased the likelihood that his or her desired goal could be achieved.
All problems appear very simple when solved. The great victorry of present was th result of a series of small victorie that went unnoticed.
Questions I ask myself
I dont remember who said this, but some one surely did say it. "You only have to succeed the last time". What a statement that is. I may fail over and over again, but all it takes is one big success to wipe out all my previous failures. But I guess, it is an after effect, and every such effect makes me ask certain questions to myself.
"What did I do right?", by asking so, I analyze every single thing that I did right in the situation, So what if it turned out to be a disaster? I must have done atleast one thing rightly. And thats definitely a motivation factor. I will surely smile when I think of a situatio when I was right.
"What would I do differently if I had the situation repeat or had to do all over again?", by asking so, I can appreciate life for teaching me valuable lessons that I was taught in the process. It makes me think of future and helps me motivate to do my best.
Everytime I ask these questions, I learn, understand, accept the facts, face the reality and grow. Despite the failures I have had in life, I would never want to lose out on enthusiasm, for I know its value, Nothing great was ever accomplished without enthusiasm in the history of mankind and nothing will ever be achieved without it either.
"What did I do right?", by asking so, I analyze every single thing that I did right in the situation, So what if it turned out to be a disaster? I must have done atleast one thing rightly. And thats definitely a motivation factor. I will surely smile when I think of a situatio when I was right.
"What would I do differently if I had the situation repeat or had to do all over again?", by asking so, I can appreciate life for teaching me valuable lessons that I was taught in the process. It makes me think of future and helps me motivate to do my best.
Everytime I ask these questions, I learn, understand, accept the facts, face the reality and grow. Despite the failures I have had in life, I would never want to lose out on enthusiasm, for I know its value, Nothing great was ever accomplished without enthusiasm in the history of mankind and nothing will ever be achieved without it either.
Fear and its manifestations
It is not what is going on around you but what is going on within you that is determining everything you are and everything you will ever accomplish. For that, one would need COURAGE. Like Winston Churchill once said "Courage is rightly considered the foremost of the virtues, for upon it all the others depend."
I had been thinking a lot on this. I was trying to figure out what is that undermines everryone from achieving their goals. What is it that counter-attacks courage so much so that the person is shattered and stripped off his/her self-confidence. Realistically speaking, the opposition of courage has been FEAR. Not since a day or two. Not since a year or a decade. It has been the same since the NOMAD age. Ever since human existed, like a two faced coin and a double edged sword, courage and fear go had in had. The emotion of fear will be and has always been the deadliest enemy to success.It sabotages possibilities and hopes of every individual.
I guess, it all goes with an individuality of a person. Until one is committed, there is a hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creativity, there is an elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills innumerable ideas and splendid plans.
I have always wondered why everyone has a typical pessismitic approach to the concept of fear. I beleive there is a good thing in it. A good thing of all the fears that you hold back. They are all learned. When i was kid, i never had a fear. I was unafraid, had no natural fears, except of falling down and darkness. I could express myself without an ounc eof doubt in my mind, I am sure it is with all as well. But as I grew up, parents, friends, teachers, people around me, all, one by one, began to manifest the power of fear in me. Each had a way of injecting fear in my mind. "Stop", "Get away from there!", "Put that down!!", "You are not supposed to do that" bla bla bla... and it went on..
As a result, at an early age, like any other kid, unknowingly, at my unconscious level, I developed a belief that I was too small to do the things and was probably weak and not yet ready. In other words, I started developing the fear of failure in me, which by the way, has now been tamed well and does not overpower me.
However, before I had even realised, the fear had started manifesting in different forms. Fear of rejection, Fears of disapproval and many more to the agony of my pain. I always beleived in few things. Mild fears of failure and rejection are abslutely good. They can act as a motivation fators for any individual to do what is necessary to succeed. Mild feelings are inadequacy and inferiority can drive a person to become the kind of person that the others will admire and respect. They kinda spur an individual. For example, if the fear of rejection is manifested in a valid consideration for the feelings and opinions of others, it can be helpful to an individual's position. Even the desire to be likede and accepted by others lies at the basis of respect for common courtesy, manners, politeness, and every other societal virtues that probably exist.
I tell myself that I dont have to do anything that I dont want to do and I can do anything that I really want to do. it kinda fills me with self confidence and helps me to take full control of my emotions and also helps me to override my conditional fears.
Like the actor Glen Ford once said, "If you do not do the thing you fear, the fear controls your life." But I like what Ralph Waldo Emerson told. Being a famous poet, what he said makes so much of sense. "Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain"
I had been thinking a lot on this. I was trying to figure out what is that undermines everryone from achieving their goals. What is it that counter-attacks courage so much so that the person is shattered and stripped off his/her self-confidence. Realistically speaking, the opposition of courage has been FEAR. Not since a day or two. Not since a year or a decade. It has been the same since the NOMAD age. Ever since human existed, like a two faced coin and a double edged sword, courage and fear go had in had. The emotion of fear will be and has always been the deadliest enemy to success.It sabotages possibilities and hopes of every individual.
I guess, it all goes with an individuality of a person. Until one is committed, there is a hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creativity, there is an elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills innumerable ideas and splendid plans.
I have always wondered why everyone has a typical pessismitic approach to the concept of fear. I beleive there is a good thing in it. A good thing of all the fears that you hold back. They are all learned. When i was kid, i never had a fear. I was unafraid, had no natural fears, except of falling down and darkness. I could express myself without an ounc eof doubt in my mind, I am sure it is with all as well. But as I grew up, parents, friends, teachers, people around me, all, one by one, began to manifest the power of fear in me. Each had a way of injecting fear in my mind. "Stop", "Get away from there!", "Put that down!!", "You are not supposed to do that" bla bla bla... and it went on..
As a result, at an early age, like any other kid, unknowingly, at my unconscious level, I developed a belief that I was too small to do the things and was probably weak and not yet ready. In other words, I started developing the fear of failure in me, which by the way, has now been tamed well and does not overpower me.
However, before I had even realised, the fear had started manifesting in different forms. Fear of rejection, Fears of disapproval and many more to the agony of my pain. I always beleived in few things. Mild fears of failure and rejection are abslutely good. They can act as a motivation fators for any individual to do what is necessary to succeed. Mild feelings are inadequacy and inferiority can drive a person to become the kind of person that the others will admire and respect. They kinda spur an individual. For example, if the fear of rejection is manifested in a valid consideration for the feelings and opinions of others, it can be helpful to an individual's position. Even the desire to be likede and accepted by others lies at the basis of respect for common courtesy, manners, politeness, and every other societal virtues that probably exist.
I tell myself that I dont have to do anything that I dont want to do and I can do anything that I really want to do. it kinda fills me with self confidence and helps me to take full control of my emotions and also helps me to override my conditional fears.
Like the actor Glen Ford once said, "If you do not do the thing you fear, the fear controls your life." But I like what Ralph Waldo Emerson told. Being a famous poet, what he said makes so much of sense. "Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain"
Monday, December 24, 2007
Kaitlin: Her quest for happiness(Part 3)
Birds were slowly getting back to their respective nests.. Sooner it would be the time of dusk. A faint tinge of orange colour was taking its shape in the open sky, which would soon be filled with stars. Temperature was dropping down and wind was becoming cooler and cooler. Little did Kaitlin know that she would be out of home for such a long time. With her heart pounding, watching a talking daffodil, trying to learn new things, which she was hoping for, she continued to listen to Bo.
Bo continued, "Life in itself has no meaning. Life is an opportunity to create meaning. Meaning is not to be discovered; it has to be created. You will find meaning only if you create it. It is not lying there somewhere behind the bushes, so you can go and you search a little bit and find it. It is not there like a rock that you will find. It is a poetry to be composed, it is a song to be sung, it is a dance to be danced."
Kaitlin was surprised. She knew there was a mystery, but never did she feel that it would be so easy to understand. She was curious to know more, listen to what Bo had to tell.
"What is the problem that is bothering your heart? In order for us to continue the conversation,I would like to know in specific, all the things, from scratch to what they are now, tell me everything."
"I do not know where to begin from. They are all so intertwined. Everything that appeared as a real image has now turned into a mirage. Every effort, every ounce of energy that I had put into everything that I had done until now, has all gone in vain."
There appeared a tear in her eye. She was in the process. Process of venting out the pain. Bo had seen this several times. This was the starting point of an end and a beginning. An end of suffering, and a beginning of happiness.
Kaitlin continued, "I have been wanting to achieve sucess a lot. I never left any stone unturned. Everyone says future is not written on stone. But I believed in scripting it on my own. Everything was good. I guess, it appeared to be good. Until.."
With a smile on his face, Bo said "Are you hurt because you did not get what you wanted? Gift, some materialistic thing, recognition, success, love, what is it?"
"You have lived in a certain way up to now - don't you want to live in a different way? You have thought in a certain way up to now - don't you want some new glimpses in your being? Then be alert and don't listen to the mind. Mind is your past constantly trying to control your present and your future. It is the dead past which goes on controlling the alive present. Just become alert about it." said Bo.
"The mind does it with this method: it says, "If you don't listen to me, you will not be as efficient as I am." If you do an old thing you can be more efficient because you have done it before. If you do a new thing you cannot be efficient. The mind goes on talking like an economist, an efficiency expert; it goes on saying, "This is easier to do. Why do it the hard way? This is the way of least resistance." said Bo.
Bo continued, "Remember, whenever you have two things, two alternatives, choose the new one. Choose the harder, choose the one in which more awareness will be needed. At the cost of efficiency always choose awareness, and you will create the situation in which meditation will become possible. These are all just situations. Meditation will happen - I am not saying that just by doing them you will get to meditation, but they will be helpful. They will create the necessary situation in you, without which meditation cannot happen. Be less efficient but more creative. Let that be the motive. Don't be bothered too much about utilitarian ends. Rather, constantly remember that you are not here in life to become a commodity. You are not here to become a utility, that is below dignity. Your are not here just to become more and more efficient. You are her e to become more and more alive; you are here to become more and more intelligent; you are here to become more and more happy, ecstatically happy. "
Kaitlin could not relate to what Bo was telling her. She said, "I have asked for so many things. But I have never got them. Infact, I never get them. I had less freinds throughout my life, but now I managed to have many. I compromised with myself and changed myself. I am now living in two worlds. One which reflects my true self. One which is me but never me. It is this world that is bringing everything down upon me. Its as though entire sky with all starts was falling on me"
"Interesting.."
"I some how have begun to feel that void in me which is resenting me from everything."
Bo realised it was time for her to let her know the real truth.
"Have you heard of everlasting happiness? Have you heard anyone in this entire world talk to you about tales of being happily every after? I am sure you would have seen many movies, heard stories, parables. But how many of them are really true? Did you ever try to think as to why such things are being talked about? Have you ever tried to know about it?"
"It is all a mere thought which was acted upon. I have seen and heard enough of those. For some, they motivate, and for some, its a mere movie story. For some the parables are fun, for some, its foolishness. I never rely on that and will never trust upon it." said Kaitlin.
Bo said "Whatever you are feeling is the perfect reflection of the process that is in the making. What you think, what you feel, and what you manifest is always a perfect match. Ask what you want, what u really want. An answer to what you are asking is what universe does for you. It will make it happen for you.You dont ned to know how you will get it, you must bring yourself in an alignment to what you are asking for. Dont feel despair and anger for what you are asking. Begin to feel for what you are asking. When you turn fantasy into fact, you can think more."
"How? How can I do that?"
"Start to have gratitude. What we think about and thank about is what we bring about. Have an attitude of gratitude. Try to visualise. When you do, you materialise. IF you have been there in mind, you will go there in the body", said Bo.
"I find it to difficult to be like that. i do not think I would be able to do that."
"Kaitlin, all it takes is a little effort from you that will change the entire course."
"Do you want me to have gratitude for my manager who does not recognise my skills? Do you want me to have gratitude for the guy? The one with whom I had fallen in love with? Do you want me to thank all my friends, my colleagues, my relatives who never even were there when i really needed them to me? "
"Decide what you want, believe you can have it. Close your eyes and feel you have it. Open eyes and be happy of what you have and let universe take care of the rest. When you have an inspired thought, trust it and act on it. It all depends on how to tame your mind to think and nurture the thought that is developing in you."
"Its hard. it is really hard" sighed Kaitlin..
"Everyone falls in love,and then falls out too.The way to understanding love is rising in love .One must not be stuck with materialistic manifestations of Love. By falling in love you remain a child, by rising in love you mature. And by and by, love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Then it is not that you love this and you dont love that , no. You are simply love, whatsoever is happening, you give your love to it. You touch a rock and you touch as if you r touching ur beloved's body. You look at the tree and u look as u r looking at ur beloved's face. It becomes a state of being, not that you are in love. Now you are love. This is rising, this is not falling."
Bo continued, "Love is beautiful when you rise through it,and love becomes dirty and ugly when you fall through it. And sooner or later you will find that it proves poisonous, it becomes a bondage.You have been caught in it, your freedom has been crushed, your wings have been cut, now you are no more free. By falling in love, you become a possession; you posses and you allow somebody to possess you. You become a thing and you try to convert the other person, you have fallen in love with ,into a thing."
"Look at the husband and wife. They both have become like things, they are no more person. Both are trying to possess each other. Only things can be possesed. A person can never be. There is a clash, then they both become basically enemies.Then they are destructive to each other .Everyone goes on trying to posses the beloved,the lover.This is no longer love, in face when you possess a person, you hate, you destroy. Love should give freedom. Love is freedom. Love will make the beloved more and more free. Love will give wings and love will open the vast sky. It cannot become a prison, an enclosure. "
"Was this the way you have been?", questioned Bo.
Kaitlin was mesmerized with the words of Bo. She was now beginning to realise. Feel and understand and connect to what Bo has been trying to tell her. Because she asked questions, she got answers. Because she refused to believe, she understood and accepted reality.
"There is a saying, 'For every dark cloud there is a silver lining and sun eventually shines'. I guess, I was destined to have this conversation with you. This indeed has made me realise where I have been going wrong and how I have been growing wrong. There were times when i trusted my abilities, had faith that I would succeed, but my thought was not in alignment with my deed. This was the same in my personal life as well as professional life. At times, I did feel like giving it all up, and I did too."
Kaitlin continued, "I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible and how it can ache in places in me that I dint know it was existing in me. No matter what I had done, I still went to sleep, knowing everything, thinking everything and wondering where things went wrong."
There was a resurgence, a new beginning, a new era, a new confindence, a new passion for success in the eyes of Kaitlin. Bo, on seeing the change and effect of the conversation, smiled, for he knew, he made a difference on another soul.
He said, "I know it is hard to believe when anyone says 'I know how you feel', but I actually know how you feel."
There was silence. For few minutes, kaitlin felt, there was something very tranquile about the place, about the environment around her. It was filled with optimism and only streak of negative engery that was present was that of hers. But, it was slowly fading and eventually, it wil die out too.
The dawn had disappeared and the stars had begun to shine, There was darkness hovering over the field of daffodils and the grass went numb. There was a street light glowing at certain distance. Kaitlin got up, with a smile on her face and wiped the marks that tears had laid on her beautiful face.
"If i come here again, and keep coming here every now and then, will you continue to talk to me?"
"I will not assure you on that. But, I will surely be there when you need me the most, in those tuff and trivial and painful times. To give you what you need the most. Console. I will be there."
For the first time during that day, Kaitlin smiled whole heartedly, took a few steps towards Bo, held him in her hands, gave a kiss, and said "I will come again." and started to walk back home.
Though it was darkness and stars were shining everywhere, her face shone as bright as a diamond, for she was renewed, like an eagle is back with new wings and new beak. She was ready to conquer her happiness, for she new the path. Her real quest for happiness had just begun..
Bo continued, "Life in itself has no meaning. Life is an opportunity to create meaning. Meaning is not to be discovered; it has to be created. You will find meaning only if you create it. It is not lying there somewhere behind the bushes, so you can go and you search a little bit and find it. It is not there like a rock that you will find. It is a poetry to be composed, it is a song to be sung, it is a dance to be danced."
Kaitlin was surprised. She knew there was a mystery, but never did she feel that it would be so easy to understand. She was curious to know more, listen to what Bo had to tell.
"What is the problem that is bothering your heart? In order for us to continue the conversation,I would like to know in specific, all the things, from scratch to what they are now, tell me everything."
"I do not know where to begin from. They are all so intertwined. Everything that appeared as a real image has now turned into a mirage. Every effort, every ounce of energy that I had put into everything that I had done until now, has all gone in vain."
There appeared a tear in her eye. She was in the process. Process of venting out the pain. Bo had seen this several times. This was the starting point of an end and a beginning. An end of suffering, and a beginning of happiness.
Kaitlin continued, "I have been wanting to achieve sucess a lot. I never left any stone unturned. Everyone says future is not written on stone. But I believed in scripting it on my own. Everything was good. I guess, it appeared to be good. Until.."
With a smile on his face, Bo said "Are you hurt because you did not get what you wanted? Gift, some materialistic thing, recognition, success, love, what is it?"
"You have lived in a certain way up to now - don't you want to live in a different way? You have thought in a certain way up to now - don't you want some new glimpses in your being? Then be alert and don't listen to the mind. Mind is your past constantly trying to control your present and your future. It is the dead past which goes on controlling the alive present. Just become alert about it." said Bo.
"The mind does it with this method: it says, "If you don't listen to me, you will not be as efficient as I am." If you do an old thing you can be more efficient because you have done it before. If you do a new thing you cannot be efficient. The mind goes on talking like an economist, an efficiency expert; it goes on saying, "This is easier to do. Why do it the hard way? This is the way of least resistance." said Bo.
Bo continued, "Remember, whenever you have two things, two alternatives, choose the new one. Choose the harder, choose the one in which more awareness will be needed. At the cost of efficiency always choose awareness, and you will create the situation in which meditation will become possible. These are all just situations. Meditation will happen - I am not saying that just by doing them you will get to meditation, but they will be helpful. They will create the necessary situation in you, without which meditation cannot happen. Be less efficient but more creative. Let that be the motive. Don't be bothered too much about utilitarian ends. Rather, constantly remember that you are not here in life to become a commodity. You are not here to become a utility, that is below dignity. Your are not here just to become more and more efficient. You are her e to become more and more alive; you are here to become more and more intelligent; you are here to become more and more happy, ecstatically happy. "
Kaitlin could not relate to what Bo was telling her. She said, "I have asked for so many things. But I have never got them. Infact, I never get them. I had less freinds throughout my life, but now I managed to have many. I compromised with myself and changed myself. I am now living in two worlds. One which reflects my true self. One which is me but never me. It is this world that is bringing everything down upon me. Its as though entire sky with all starts was falling on me"
"Interesting.."
"I some how have begun to feel that void in me which is resenting me from everything."
Bo realised it was time for her to let her know the real truth.
"Have you heard of everlasting happiness? Have you heard anyone in this entire world talk to you about tales of being happily every after? I am sure you would have seen many movies, heard stories, parables. But how many of them are really true? Did you ever try to think as to why such things are being talked about? Have you ever tried to know about it?"
"It is all a mere thought which was acted upon. I have seen and heard enough of those. For some, they motivate, and for some, its a mere movie story. For some the parables are fun, for some, its foolishness. I never rely on that and will never trust upon it." said Kaitlin.
Bo said "Whatever you are feeling is the perfect reflection of the process that is in the making. What you think, what you feel, and what you manifest is always a perfect match. Ask what you want, what u really want. An answer to what you are asking is what universe does for you. It will make it happen for you.You dont ned to know how you will get it, you must bring yourself in an alignment to what you are asking for. Dont feel despair and anger for what you are asking. Begin to feel for what you are asking. When you turn fantasy into fact, you can think more."
"How? How can I do that?"
"Start to have gratitude. What we think about and thank about is what we bring about. Have an attitude of gratitude. Try to visualise. When you do, you materialise. IF you have been there in mind, you will go there in the body", said Bo.
"I find it to difficult to be like that. i do not think I would be able to do that."
"Kaitlin, all it takes is a little effort from you that will change the entire course."
"Do you want me to have gratitude for my manager who does not recognise my skills? Do you want me to have gratitude for the guy? The one with whom I had fallen in love with? Do you want me to thank all my friends, my colleagues, my relatives who never even were there when i really needed them to me? "
"Decide what you want, believe you can have it. Close your eyes and feel you have it. Open eyes and be happy of what you have and let universe take care of the rest. When you have an inspired thought, trust it and act on it. It all depends on how to tame your mind to think and nurture the thought that is developing in you."
"Its hard. it is really hard" sighed Kaitlin..
"Everyone falls in love,and then falls out too.The way to understanding love is rising in love .One must not be stuck with materialistic manifestations of Love. By falling in love you remain a child, by rising in love you mature. And by and by, love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Then it is not that you love this and you dont love that , no. You are simply love, whatsoever is happening, you give your love to it. You touch a rock and you touch as if you r touching ur beloved's body. You look at the tree and u look as u r looking at ur beloved's face. It becomes a state of being, not that you are in love. Now you are love. This is rising, this is not falling."
Bo continued, "Love is beautiful when you rise through it,and love becomes dirty and ugly when you fall through it. And sooner or later you will find that it proves poisonous, it becomes a bondage.You have been caught in it, your freedom has been crushed, your wings have been cut, now you are no more free. By falling in love, you become a possession; you posses and you allow somebody to possess you. You become a thing and you try to convert the other person, you have fallen in love with ,into a thing."
"Look at the husband and wife. They both have become like things, they are no more person. Both are trying to possess each other. Only things can be possesed. A person can never be. There is a clash, then they both become basically enemies.Then they are destructive to each other .Everyone goes on trying to posses the beloved,the lover.This is no longer love, in face when you possess a person, you hate, you destroy. Love should give freedom. Love is freedom. Love will make the beloved more and more free. Love will give wings and love will open the vast sky. It cannot become a prison, an enclosure. "
"Was this the way you have been?", questioned Bo.
Kaitlin was mesmerized with the words of Bo. She was now beginning to realise. Feel and understand and connect to what Bo has been trying to tell her. Because she asked questions, she got answers. Because she refused to believe, she understood and accepted reality.
"There is a saying, 'For every dark cloud there is a silver lining and sun eventually shines'. I guess, I was destined to have this conversation with you. This indeed has made me realise where I have been going wrong and how I have been growing wrong. There were times when i trusted my abilities, had faith that I would succeed, but my thought was not in alignment with my deed. This was the same in my personal life as well as professional life. At times, I did feel like giving it all up, and I did too."
Kaitlin continued, "I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible and how it can ache in places in me that I dint know it was existing in me. No matter what I had done, I still went to sleep, knowing everything, thinking everything and wondering where things went wrong."
There was a resurgence, a new beginning, a new era, a new confindence, a new passion for success in the eyes of Kaitlin. Bo, on seeing the change and effect of the conversation, smiled, for he knew, he made a difference on another soul.
He said, "I know it is hard to believe when anyone says 'I know how you feel', but I actually know how you feel."
There was silence. For few minutes, kaitlin felt, there was something very tranquile about the place, about the environment around her. It was filled with optimism and only streak of negative engery that was present was that of hers. But, it was slowly fading and eventually, it wil die out too.
The dawn had disappeared and the stars had begun to shine, There was darkness hovering over the field of daffodils and the grass went numb. There was a street light glowing at certain distance. Kaitlin got up, with a smile on her face and wiped the marks that tears had laid on her beautiful face.
"If i come here again, and keep coming here every now and then, will you continue to talk to me?"
"I will not assure you on that. But, I will surely be there when you need me the most, in those tuff and trivial and painful times. To give you what you need the most. Console. I will be there."
For the first time during that day, Kaitlin smiled whole heartedly, took a few steps towards Bo, held him in her hands, gave a kiss, and said "I will come again." and started to walk back home.
Though it was darkness and stars were shining everywhere, her face shone as bright as a diamond, for she was renewed, like an eagle is back with new wings and new beak. She was ready to conquer her happiness, for she new the path. Her real quest for happiness had just begun..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
